im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
