A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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