I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize