I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
