these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
