I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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