I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
