his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
