we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
