i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
