Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
