Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
