I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
