So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
