She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
