Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
