I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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