he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you will always have a special place in my vag
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
