I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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