god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
