I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize