R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
