The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
