what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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