Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
