So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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