i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
