im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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