my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize