Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
