She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
