I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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