the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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