dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
