My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
