well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
