I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
