I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
