Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
