so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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