my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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