I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
