I am puke
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
