Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
