Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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