All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
