The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
