my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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