I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
