Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
People in love make me want to vomit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
