Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
