if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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