How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
