I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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