I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
