i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
