not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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