And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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