I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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