he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
