my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize