Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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