I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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