the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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