Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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