we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
