he puts the penis in happiness.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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