I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sober January is a disaster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
