my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
