Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
