she woke up with a sticky ear
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
