Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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