Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who did Billy Mays play for?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
