I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
