woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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